The BRA diet

A few things no one told me about being pregnant (#302-ish to #305-ish):

When you get a stomach bug, you will not be able to take any proper medication. You will have to swallow tablespoon after tablespoon of diluted clay that has been subtly flavoured with peppermint (I am really not making this up), instead.

You will have to drink a lot of Rehidrat (retch), even though it contains baking soda, which every book and website I’ve read says is a No-No while you’re knocked up. You will have to drink it anyway, because, quite frankly, while baking soda causes water retention, your being dehydrated will lead, in the-grumpy-doctor-on-call’s words, to “dehydration in the fetus, uterine contractions, and premature labour”. Which is fucking frightening, and obviously much more serious than being a bit swollen in places.

And because you can’t take real medicine to keep your food inside you, you’ll have to limit your diet to BRAs, for 72 hours.

  • Bananas, mashed with a fork (as if you don’t feel enough like a pathetic invalid).
  • Rice. Boiled. But you don’t have to be completely spartan about it. Go on – mix in a little bit of Marmite to give it some flavour.
  • Apples, grated, left to go brown. To release the pectin.

Powerade is also allowed. Flat Coke is not.

To be honest, I’m willing to eat whatever it takes to make sure that The Lime gets what she needs. I just can’t help wishing that that meant eating only macaroni-and-cheese, strawberries, and chocolate croissants for three days.

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